the 5 senses secret

Thirty-one days to feel close again; one small act a day.

One short email each morning with one small thing to do. It's free, and your spouse doesn't have to know you've started.
Start the challenge
Watercolour painting of a happy couple embracing, illustrating the free 31-day marriage challenge from Ausome Love Studio
A couple sitting apart on a sofa, both looking away, showing the quiet distance that can grow in a marriage Watercolour portrait of a couple embracing and laughing, painted by Ausome Love Studio, showing a marriage reconnected

THE PROBLEM:
Most of us are waiting

Waiting for the feeling to come back. Waiting for the season to ease up. Waiting until there's time to do this properly.

And while we wait, two people who still love each other start living like housemates, both tired, both certain they're the one carrying it.

Reading about marriage doesn't undo that. Practising does, and it's smaller than you'd expect.

What Arrives Each Morning

Three things, every day, for thirty-one days. Reading them takes two minutes. Doing them takes a little longer, and never much.

Watercolour illustration of an envelope representing the daily marriage challenge email

A short email

One idea, plainly told, drawn from the books that helped me most and from a faith that says love is something we do.

Watercolour illustration of a play button representing the daily challenge video

A short video

A minute or two of chalk animation to bring the day's idea to life alongside the email.

Watercolour illustration of two hands representing one small daily act of love

One small act

Always small, always today. Something you can do without announcing it or rearranging your week.

Every day belongs to one of five senses.

They come back around across the thirty-one days, so you're never learning something new from scratch. The sense itself brings the lesson back, a little deeper each time.

Watercolour nose illustration for the Deep Breath module of the marriage challenge

Deep Breath

Meeting the voice in your own head before it speaks for you.

Watercolour eye illustration for the See with the Heart module

See with the Heart

Learning to see the person in front of you instead of the version you have been carrying.

Watercolour lips illustration for the Nourish with Words module

Nourish with Words

What your words are building, one ordinary sentence at a time.

Watercolour clasped hands illustration for the Hold My Hand module

Hold My Hand

Presence and the kind of touch that says nothing and means everything.

Watercolour ear illustration for the Listen with Empathy module

Listen with Empathy

The last and hardest one, and the day everything before it makes sense.

Before you decide, read one. This is Day 2, exactly as it lands in your inbox.

Day 02

You are the soul that listens

​"To maintain honest relations with others, we must first be true to ourselves."

— Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

There's a voice in your head that never stops. It judges, it replays old arguments, it worries, and it reacts before you've worked out what's even happening. In your closest relationships, it tends to be loudest of all.

It means well. That voice is a guard, and it's doing the job it was handed: watch for danger, rehearse what went wrong, keep you safe. But a guard can only hold what's actually his. Some things sit outside your reach, and your spouse's heart on a hard evening is one of them. So, it keeps gripping at what it was never going to hold. The grip itself is the obstacle, not the trouble it fears.

Keep reading Day 2

Here's the shift: that voice isn't you. You are the soul that listens.

The moment you really feel that, and not just nod along to it, something loosens. ❤️‍🔥👃You breathe. You stop reacting and start responding. You become the person you actually wanted to be in that moment.

That's where real love begins. Not in getting it perfect or finding the right words, but in the quiet gap between the noise and what you choose to do with it.

Jesus knew that gap. He spoke into it for a father who had just been told there was nothing left to hope for, a man holding something well past his reach: "Do not be afraid; just believe." (Mark 5:36) Not that the fear was unfounded. That he was never the only one carrying it.

That's the cornerstone, and it's what lets your hands open. Love doesn't grow in fear or in reactivity. It grows in the pause. And ❤️‍🔥👃the pause asks for the courage to be still before you react.

That pause is a skill, and it starts today.

The problem was never life. It was the noise about life!

🐻Your task for today:Name the Voice

The first step isn't silencing the voice. It's noticing that you've been mistaking it for yourself. So, give it a name. Something a bit funny, a bit ironic, enough to remind you it isn't the boss of you. Maybe "Drama TV." Maybe "Mr Overthinker." Maybe "The Catastrophe Channel." Whatever fits. Then next time it starts up, especially in a tense moment with someone you love, just notice it: "Ah, there goes Drama TV again." You don't have to argue with it or fix it. Watch it from a little distance and❤️‍🔥👃breathe.

​Reflection: What happens when you stop taking it so seriously?

Until tomorrow, With love, Leo.

One small note at a time.

You can start this alone.

One person can change the temperature of a home. If your spouse joins in, that's a gift, not a condition, and never something you need to negotiate first.

  • Yes. Every act is something you do, not something you ask for. Nothing here depends on the other person reading anything.

  • You don't need one. Most days are a few minutes inside the evening you already have. Nothing gets added to the calendar.

  • Then you know how a big plan fizzles by week two. That was the size of the plan, not the size of your effort. Small is the whole method.

  • There's a faith behind it, and I'd rather tell you now than surprise you on day nine. I'm Catholic, and it shows up here the way it shows up in my own house: quietly, in what I think love is for. Every act works whether you believe what I believe or not, and nobody is going to ask you what you believe.

  • No. I'm not a counsellor, and this isn't treatment. It's one short email a morning with something small to try that evening, and nothing to report back on. If you're already seeing someone, this sits alongside it fine, and if you think you should be, please go. This will keep.

  • Then you're probably braced for a list of what you're doing wrong. There isn't one. Most of what I write comes from getting it wrong in my own house. Each day is one thing; it takes minutes, and nobody's checking whether you did it.

  • If home isn't safe, if there's fear, control, or violence, this challenge isn't the right help, and small acts aren't what you need from me. Please talk to a counsellor or call a crisis line. In Australia, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available any hour.

Why I made this?

I read the books. Then I did one small thing.

I'm Leo. Fifteen years married to Maria, and we've been through the flat seasons: both still there, something gone quiet. Books helped, but reading didn't change my marriage. Doing one small thing a day did. So I built what I wished someone had handed me: single days, each with something to do that evening. I'm Catholic, and I've come to think the doing was never the power in it. It made room, and grace did the rest. I know how many couples doubt in the ordinary years between, because we were two of them. This is the thing I wish someone had handed us back then. I paint portraits of couples here in Darwin, usually at the weddings and the anniversaries. This is for the ordinary years between, and when the good moments come round again, we'll be here, helping you celebrate them. It's free because it should be. — Leo
Leo and Maria of Ausome Love Studio, a Darwin watercolour portrait studio, creators of the 5 Senses Secret marriage challenge

The books behind this challenge!

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work book by John M. Gottman, Ph.
The book 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson, featuring a purple cover with white text and colorful silhouettes of couples, shown on a clean white background.
Book cover of 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus' by John Gray, featuring a white front with a large gender symbol in blue, purple, and pink, and a pink spine.
The 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman, shown as a 3D paperback mockup on a white background. The cover features a sunset beach scene with a couple silhouette, transitioning into a purple gradient with white text.
The unthreated soul: the journey beyond yourself book by Michael A. Singer, featuring a light blue and white cover with a horse running on a beach.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work book by John M. Gottman, Ph.
The book 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson, featuring a purple cover with white text and colorful silhouettes of couples, shown on a clean white background.
Book cover of 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus' by John Gray, featuring a white front with a large gender symbol in blue, purple, and pink, and a pink spine.
The 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman, shown as a 3D paperback mockup on a white background. The cover features a sunset beach scene with a couple silhouette, transitioning into a purple gradient with white text.
The unthreated soul: the journey beyond yourself book by Michael A. Singer, featuring a light blue and white cover with a horse running on a beach.